We hide in other ways, too. Some hide with death. I am proud of thosewho have kept their promise to me not to commit suicide. One recentlyasked me to release her from that promise. I had to tell her only if shehad a medical condition that warrants "Do Not Resuscitate." We mightalso do self harm, a "minor" form of suicide. I have heard of some of usthat cut off their testicles, or tried to. Some of us hide by havingunsafe sex resulting in gonorrhea, syphilis, or AIDS. In other words: aslow form of suicide.Or we hide behind drugs. Hopefully those of us that go that route end upin Alcoholics Anonymous, Synanon or other treatment centers before weeither end up in jail or die.We often develop various forms of mental illness, as a product of theextreme shame or bewilderment we have. We are admitted to psychiatrictreatment centers or at least, being driven by guilt or unable to acceptthe unacceptable, we talk to psychologists or psychiatrists. Many of usare depressed and end up on. Mein ne maa ki bur ko dekha aur ‘susu’ ki awaj mera lund ko khara kar diya.1st floor pahunch kar mein jethani ke kaamre ki andar jhank mara. Jethani tab tak soyi nehi thi. Mujhe dekhi to boli, Vinod beta, khaanaa khaa kar upar aye ho naa?Mein ne turant jawaab diya, :Ji hna. Do minute andar aana zara. Farmaiye Eisa sab sote waqt sab apne kamra bandh karke nahi sote thee, bua aur mere siwa. Jethani ki haat mein ek tel ki katora thee. Ussey dikha kar boli “meri badan pe zara yeh tel malish kar de na beta. Din bhar bahut dard mehsoos kar rahi hnu poori badan pe, Mein tel ki dabba le kar unko so jaane kaha. Jethani khud hi bole ki haat mein elbows, pyaer ki ghutno se lekar poora pyaer, kamar, sab dukh raha hyay. Unho ne saree pahne huyi thee. Unke dono haathon pe tel laga kar mein puchha ki pehle pyaer pe lagaun ya kamar pe, to jethani mujh par chhor diye. Kyu ki who byethe huye the, to mein socha kamar pe hi pehle laga loon. Kamar pe tel laga raha tha to jethani kahi ki saree ki andar.
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