Clearly, I loved exploring my femininity. Clearly I loved playing slapand tickle with Freda. But how would I deal with the issue of Mr. Hardwood's infatuation? After a restless night, I cleaned up and dressed, ready to face a daywith a true girlish secret - stockings and a garter belt under myclothes. I had no panties - hadn't worn any yet. Boxer shorts seemedinappropriate. So I "went commando."It was terrifying to walk around school all day hiding stockings andgarters under my trousers. Mortification was prevented only by the thinmaterial of my boy's pants.But it was horribly exciting too.No one actually saw my stockings that Wednesday. But three more boys andtwo more male teachers "gave me the time of day." Something about me wasconnecting with the deepest male instincts. Something they didn'tunderstand, but were compelled to act on.Freda picked me up on time after school and we had another greatafternoon. Though Mr. Hardwood and Mr. Creamer were still no-shows. I wore my first. Um, have you tried to have sex yet? I'm scared that somehow I won't be able to do it, inside I'll be too short, or I won't be able to get wet, or I can't please a man anymore."Her face was burning. Caroline smiled and patted the back of Di's hand."I have been able to have sex, and it still gives me lots of pleasure," she said. "I've had sex with several men. They all appeared to enjoy it, too."That's when she mentioned Eric, a counsellor who specialised in what she called 'sexual healing.' According to Caroline, he was someone who knew and understood both the medical and psychological impact of a hysterectomy on a woman. She took the card Caroline gave her. It took her two days to summon the courage to call.He sounded nice on the phone, softly spoken with a delightful Belgian accent. She asked at first if he was Dutch — his name was Van der Stock — but he corrected her with a gentle laugh. Di blushed and apologized, terribly embarrassed. No, no. Very many people make the same.
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