I wonder what she would think if she knew I mostly thought about her in these moments. Even Cindy, whose face filled so many of my waking thoughts, was rarely ever a part of those fantasies. I knew there was no chance, so I suppose I didn’t allow myself that indulgence. I’m certain that, ultimately, I was the one at fault. I hadn’t been perfect. As much as I tried, I could not trace my problems, the things that made me become distant at times, to their source. I suppose if we were still open and honest with each other, we could have worked things out. But she was in her own bubble most the time, and I had learned to build one of my own. Hers, I think, started when her career really got moving. Perhaps she was embarrassed at her company parties when she introduced me and the person would ask me what I do. Customer service, in a tiny cubicle? Married to a woman who makes five times my pay and has hundreds of people under her? Jesus, could anyone blame her for feeling like she married a. He reminds me that I never have to do anything I don’t want to and that I can safe word at any time. Then he blindfolds me.I’m led to the bed and strapped in by master. I can’t move. The straps are tight, too tight for my liking but master assures me this is for my own good. One move, fidget, and this gets dangerous. There is kissing, master on my hand, him, on my neck moving his way down my back. I can feel it now, the knife blade is cold. It almost tickles as the stainless steel runs down my back in no particular way. It’s not cutting but the very thought that it will makes me tense. My breathing grows heavy and master asks if I’m ok. I say nothing, still as can be.I can feel my egg being placed on my clit and I start to moan, for a second I forget I have a large steel blade knife trailing my spine. This is a procedure and master advised him to make his cuts at random, not to tell me anything. The first cut hurts like a bitch. It stings and I can feel it start to bleed as master.
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