It’s been two days since I started sleeping in Leo’s bed, and I doubt the pattern is going to change anytime soon. My only concern—and really, it’s nothing major—is that I still have no fucking clue what I’m doing. Less than no fucking clue. We call, we text, we have sex, and when we’re not having sex, he works and I write or we watch TV or drink. It’s a weird, comfortable pattern that I would be fine with if it had a label. Dating, Booty Call, Boyfriend and Girlfriend just don’t fit what we’re doing. Because, again, I have no clue what the fuck we’re doing. I run between ‘I’m young. Live and be free. #nolabels’ and ‘What if he’s the one? What if I get pregnant? What if I change my last name to Pananan? Raiqah Pananan.’ My emotions are even worse, swaying from extremes: insanely, stupidly happy to rocking in a corner terrified. Leo puts up with my crazy only because the sex is so good. We always come, or he’s just good at faking it. Of course, the steady stream of dick means epsom. Instantly. In my fantasy, Iimagined the pouch to be the voracious jaws of a shark, eating up myshameful bits, making me into a woman, a real woman. To prepare for theofficial blessing of my gaff, I had bought a very feminine cardboard box,of the sort used for presents, and sealed it with a pink ribbon.When Dorian arrived, I knelt before him right away. In completesubmission, I kept my eyes down and did not speak unless spoken to.Barely looking at me, Dorian quickly undressed, remaining in a pair ofvery masculine boxers and displaying his virile strength for me to adore.H ordered me to undress too, and to get back on my knees, naked. He tookthe gaff from the box, placed his hands on the pouch and pronounced thesewords: "By the power bestowed on me by my natural masculinity, I entrustyou with turning Ophelia into a beautiful woman. Like the jaws of abloodthirsty shark, you will eat up her shame, turning her into a woman".As Dorian was uttering his speech, I finally felt transported.
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