I rubbed onhis privates and knew when he came. I thought about kissing him downthere but didn't think it appropriate. I wanted him to know that I foundhim interesting and I really wanted him to know what it was like with agirl.I get the impression that a lot of my readers will think, "How can yousay you're not a homo, Jamie." You're doing all that to a boy. We didn'thave sex. I didn't want to have sex. I'm really not interested in himother than to make him feel like he was worth my time. Other girls willfind him attractive and I'm sure that I improved his self-image. I hopethat people won't talk about him like he went out with some faggot guy.I'm hoping that he'll feel like he is worth going out with and that hehas gained the guts to ask a real girl out. I'm hoping that he found meattractive and that he likes seeing girls in pretty clothes. I'm hopingthat he likes the idea that he's a sexual being and that the penis he hasin his pants grew because a he found a girl exciting.None of. My heart ached for her after every breakup, but it was impossible for me to determine if I felt that way because I was her brother, or because of something more, or both. And sometimes – rarely, I told myself – she was all I could think about. Like last night.Mostly, I was okay with it. Dealt with it. It was just some days that were hard. But she would only be here another three weeks. Then the house would be on the market, Vi would be shooting her new season, and I’d be back at work somewhere on the other side of the world.I groaned through the final three reps on the pulldown machine. Slipping my thighs from underneath the pads, I let the weight stack ride my body upwards after the last rep, slamming the plates closed with a ringing clang. Rising on quivering legs, I walked to the gym’s recumbent exercise bike and slipped into its seat, setting its screen for a paced video that followed the route of last year’s Tour de France.After thirty minutes my T-shirt was drenched with.
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