"Now the picture becomes clearer and clearer. I was alreadywondering why you were so adept walking around in high heels. Atfirst I thought Mom is right, you are a natural but now I seeyou had all the practice you wanted. Oh you, I always teased youabout being my little housewife and you just played it out inthe privacy of our home. No more privacy for you Greta.."She put one finger under my chin, raised it and looked into myeyes."Sweety, I am sure you'll become a good maid for me and myfuture lover."It hurt me to hear this from her mouth, but I knew this was theonly way for me without goosing her totally. As if she had readmy thoughts she said."I'll take good care of you. I love you very much but Mom isright, as a man you are simply inadequate. You see that too,don't you?"Tears trickled down my permanently made up face. Another wave ofembarrassment washed over me. I always thought I was fairly goodin bed. She had never complained about my size but I had toadmit that after a few months. All I said was that my relationship with Beth was consensual. But that was all.Regarding Zoey, I just said, numbly, "I did it."And he really didn't like my mental breakdown in the courtroom.I didn't care. I didn't care to fight. Fight or flight? I was definitely all about flying at this point. What good would it do? Nobody was going to believe me, anyway. I was nothing but a dirty rapist and that's all I would ever be.The thing about public defenders was that they were working on five to ten cases at a time. They're not going to dig. They're not going to try very hard to defend a rapist. Or murderer. Or what have you. If you don't volunteer information, they're just going to assume guilt and go through the motions, moving on to the next case.That's why it took under an hour for the jury to deliberate my fate.Guilty of first-degree rape.What was the point, really? Why tell my story to a therapist? To a cell mate? Anybody?Nobody would believe me, and it would just look like I was.
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