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I'd packed a small bag with our stuff and made Roger carry it. He didn't seem to mind and I think he was trying to impress Riku."Should we get any food or anything on the way?" I asked Riku, "There'll be three extra to feed tonight and tomorrow." That would be appreciated. No one would say anything if you didn't but we are a fairly poor community. I earn more than any of the others and the younger girls bring in an income from their babies but we've quite a few older men and women too. All try and contribute either in goods or by the work they do. Don't try to pay anyone in the community, they would take it as an insult. Perhaps some meat like I bought when I took Roger. Meat is relatively expensive here although by your standards, it is extremely cheap."In the end we bought a large piece of local deer meat that Riku said would make it seem like a real festival and which did indeed caused the cooks to give us a hug. Unfortunately one hugged a bit too hard and I involuntarily gave a. I didn't want him to go. I felt so alone. So afraid...Michael showed up after lunch. He looked at me. "Okay Nick, what's the problem today?" I shook my head, and closed my eyes."Did you ever have the feeling that the only way to end the pain is to stop fighting?" He got a strange look on his face. "And you can't stop 'cause that's how you've been taught to face the world?" He rolled over to me, and held my hand."Nick, we can never stop fighting. When we do, we die. But sometimes we need to quit being our own enemies, and fighting against ourselves."Was he right? Could I stop fighting myself and still face the world? Or myself? For what the shrink was telling me went against everything I had been taught. Yet it was what, in my weaker moments, I had dreamed about and wished for, until I caught myself, and forced the evil thoughts out of my head. We were still silently holding hands when the nurse came in, and chased Michael out while she did my thing with a bedpan. I wondered briefly.
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