. in that VIP-Magazine you’ve shown Jez.”“Yes? What about them Lorraine?“That schoolgirl was me; I posed for them; ages ago.”I sat up to stare at her. I could see she wasn’t fibbing. I was stunned.‘You! how? ... who took them? ... who was the teacher bloke?’She gazes at me philosophically, letting me digest my own questions. Then confidingly, she gave a few answers.Her Aunt had organised it all for her. It was a business deal.Between them they made some serious money out of it but there was more than a few snaps. I did other stuff too. She lay back down, closing her eyes, leaving me in awe.Then my thoughts found a voice. ‘To think you’ve done all that, while all I managed was getting pregnant and become a mum on social.’Lorraine had sat up then to face me and spelt out the logic of it all.‘Get Jez into modelling Val! She’ll love it and it’ll get her away from Dan! Why you could even take off abroad with Dan when she’s busy earning her keep! ‘I was fascinated, “ But how would she get. “Honey, you weren’t to know it, but can you even begin to imagine how I feel about the baby I never knew? We have three wonderful children, the center of our lives, but every day, I have had the heartache of wondering about the child that was inside me but who I never knew, who I had terminated. What would they have been like? What would my life have been like? And it’s not their fault, but now there’s a small part of me that looks at our own children and links them to what you did. That makes me think that, however much I love them, maybe they should never have been. If you’d not taken that letter, then my lost baby would have been my first baby, not John. And Abigail and Sarah might never have been born ….”Again, Jill’s words fell away as she withdrew back into herself, thinking about what she was telling me, thinking about the different track her life might have followed. The children she’d never known that she might have loved, the children she loved but might have never.
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