“I’m in debt up to my ears, and if I don’t get back to England within sixty days, my younger brother will have mismanaged our father’s estate into ruins. I stand to lose 15 million U.S. Dollars if he gets his hands on my share of the inheritance and squanders it too.”“Where do you want the check sent to? That is if you trust me for it. I don’t carry that kind of money on me, you know!”“Marshal, the mayor told me he would stand good for your honor as a businessman. I can honestly say, I already trust you far more than I trust anyone else I’ve discussed this deal with to date.“I’ll give you the name and address of the hotel in New Orleans, plus I’ll have a representative of my accounting firm travel to Tulsa to meet with you. I’ll have all the paperwork signed and ready for your signature once he has the check in his hands. No offense to you, Marshal.”“No offense taken, Mr. Truesdale. I’m a business man too.“To make it happen even quicker, I’ll have my oldest son who happens to be an. You think that'll work?" I don't know, Ant. It might be overkill, you know what I mean? I think the audience will get it without having us beat them over the head with it. Maybe just a change in voice tone would do it. I'll coach her on that."She was right, now that I thought of it. Having Charlotte dye her hair for all the scenes where she was the aggressive slut character was perhaps a little too blunt."The last thing we want to do is imply that the audience is stupid. It'll be way more powerful if they suddenly 'get it' on their own." Right!" I said slowly, suddenly getting it on my own."And this part here, where you're filling in the back story in dialog? Don't do that. It's really unrealistic for Fiona to be talking like a narrator, and it'll take the audience out of the story a bit." Which part?" Well, here: 'When I was little, I was locked in a pitch-black closet all day at a friend's house, and my parents didn't find me until morning. That's when I first met Fiona. I was.
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