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However that's all you," Mary said and laughed, "I'm sure, I can take care of that."Linda got her things quickly then and went to the next place, Sam's shop."Girl, you love to live dangerously," said Sam."Nice to see you too, Sam. Did you get me what I asked for last time? You did say it would be in today?"Sam got a funny look on his face."Spill it, Sam," Linda ordered."Someone called the shipping company I use. Hell they called them several times. They were told my money was no good and not to come here. Then they were told that if their trucks were seen, the driver would be shot. Linda, I don't know..." And let me guess there were no phone numbers to track?" Linda, I've never heard of the Harpers doing stuff like this. The shipping company said I would not only have to pay for any shipment up front but I would have to pay a fifty thousand bond as a guaranty. I don't have that kind of money. Even with some that came from that big settlement." I'll take care of it," Linda said calmly. And I was trapped on the other side by the horrors of my failings and the deep-rooted knowledge that the girl I currently was just wasn't good enough for him.I'm not worthy of him. And I don't honestly know if I ever will be.Perfect was impossible. Perfect was an ideal, a mathematical limit that could never be reached. My attempts to BE perfection had always been doomed to fail. Now? Now all I wanted to be was ... his.Bless his heart, he probably would have taken me back the way I am now. I could see it in his eyes before I left him yesterday. He told me he accepted me however I was. He told me he would be perfectly happy with an imperfect me.But I still had my pride.God damn my pride.Sure, it would have been easier to just crawl back to him and heal together. Easier, but not better. Not for him. He deserves better.I wouldn't let him take me the way I am. I couldn't. To return to him now, before I'd come to terms with what I'd done, would poison our relationship. It would eat me from.
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