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CLS sucks.”It got me thinking about Michael and sexuality and what he might be feeling. Was he like other boys his age? Thinking sexual thoughts? Frustrated by not finding release? Michael’s coordination wasn’t great that summer, at least most of the time, and I doubted he could even masturbate if he wanted to. I was around him enough that I should have noticed if he was playing with himself. I never saw him so much as notice that he had a penis, not even when it was erect in the tub.How hard that must be, I thought, to never be able to get that release. Even if mentally he didn’t understand and held no context for what that might mean, his body was mature enough for sexual release. The hair on his privates and the size and hardness of his penis made that clear. Would my son go though his life with perpetual blue balls?It made me speak to a physical therapist I trusted one afternoon while another therapist was working with Michael.“I have a ... weird ... question for you,” I told the. She wasn't nearly plumb enough to be called Rubenesque. Yes, exaggerated is a good term.I was vaguely aware that while her family maintained a heightened concern about appearances, there was an undertone of "there's nothing wrong here and don't you tell." While no one spoke of it or acknowledged it in any way, I was aware that Gerry had been "dating" a serviceman. This took the form of them disappearing upstairs in her bed room, not to surface for a week. Everyone walked around this elephant without talking about it. Mostly I was jealous of the serviceman.One warm afternoon Sally, Gerry and I were chatting in their family room, a bright place with lots of plants and a southern exposure. We'd been looking at photo albums together, sitting on a pillow-strewn day bed. I can't remember how I came to be sitting on the day bed in the first place, but I remember well that Gerry came and sat beside me, the bed sinking just enough that her thigh pressed against mine. I had to turn my head to.
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