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She was wearing a dirt-browned white t-shirt and baby-blue lace panties. They recognized hunger from their own village but to see a white person, a girl, with the look of days without a meal scared them.This was 'El Norte'.They worked jobs that gringos did not callous their hands on. Politicos made noise, but the two men were as much a part of the system as everyone who fought to push them back over the border. 'El Norte' did not include green-eyed blonde women looking at them with more fear than either had ever seen. Even covered in grime, the beauty of a tele-novela female lead was obvious in the girl.It added to their fear. They recognized a scion of privilege in the thousand ways those without can. She reached out a hand to them. They watched as her eyes changed from fear to pleading hope. They turned to look at each other before committing themselves.They could have abandoned her without anyone knowing. Many of the steps towards a better life had been taken for family and an INS. I’ve been husband and father, and now grandfather. I’ve been close friend to very few and acquaintance to many. I’ve been teacher and student. But who am I now?I can list my close friends on one hand and still have fingers left over. I know my wife’s devotion to me is more out of a sense of obligation than love. I’m not an easy person to live with even in the best of health and I know it. I can show you what I had to offer as a husband before, The emotional strength and resiliency for her to lean on in the hard times. The physical endurance and willingness to work 12 hours a day 7 days a week for weeks at a time if that’s what it took to feed our family. An absolute commitment to stay sexually faithful to her for literally no other reason than she asked me to. That one was hard it took me five years to get it down pat to where it wasn’t a constant struggle, but I never so much as kissed another woman. The fact that I spent half my life living somewhere I hate for no other reason than.
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