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"NO." I said staring into the webcam. I was shaking. I wanted to keep him, but to do that would mean to give him some kind of free freak show that I didn't want to do. We argued on skype and it was over. I went outside turned the A.C. on in my car and I was shaking. I was very upset. I had lost someone I loved months ago. My marriage was comfortable, but my husband just didn't treat me the way I wanted or needed. Could I get naked on the webcam again? Could I deal with this again. I knew in the end he would dump me. I had gotten my self respect back and here it was again another guy begging and hinting for free thrills to jerk off to. I went back in the house and I looked in the mirror. At 40 I was the most beautiful I had ever been. I had never thought highly of my looks, but I did resemble a famous movie star with dark hair and violet eyes. I put on my lac see through nightie and lined my eyes with black liner. I looked like Cleopatra. I waited for my prey. I was angry and hungry. I want to pay you something." You're only back here for a week," Sandy said, "and then you guys are traveling again to Toronto and Atlanta. Josh, with or without pay, I really don't want to make that next road trip!" I need you, Sandy!" No. No, period! I'm going to come to your games, here in Baltimore. But that's all! That's absolutely, positively it!" If the streak is still alive when we leave for Toronto, would you come then?" Josh. Goddamn it! No! I just told you! Streak or no streak, when you leave for Toronto, I'm not going with you. Now, my suggestion is, you grow up and realize that it's not my being there that's helping you on the field, it's your own natural ability." Could I come in? For coffee?" No, Josh, because I'm worn out and I want to put on some loose clothes and just flop down somewhere. You want to take me home tomorrow night, after the game, that would be fine. But not tonight." OK, Sandy. And thanks again."She was right. Our relationship was all off-kilter. I.
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