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He would straighten out his tail almost straight out and nose easing forward waiting for, ‘Vamanos,’ which was go, which also turned into, ‘lets go.’ A word that was used by My stepfather constantly which in turn was drilled into my head years before his passing. When in the field the shotguns blast would trigger his ‘Vamonos.’ The four whistles to guide his right, left, in and out with hand signals pointing, usually worked fine. Later the two whistles for out and in became the only two I used and the pointing right and left became his guide. An occasional tossing of a stone to a general area of tall grass would be enough for Chucks to get close enough his nose would zero in the location. One of the major assets of having a retriever, limiting the possibility of lost game. Along with hunting commands I taught Chucks to ‘Shake,’ ‘Sit up,’ and after a little trip to the local cornerstone with him in the bed of the pickup, I soon learned that in order for him to ride he needed to be. "I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.My next crap could spell disaster.Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to.
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