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Something was wrong. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt like I was in peril.I got up.Uncle Lucas had brought some clothes in anticipation of my going home soon. They were hung up in the closet, I removed the clothes off the hanger and carried them into the bathroom. They were a simple set of clothes: a pair of jeans, some clean underwear with no-name brands on them and the shirt, another Kmart purchase I am sure of it. Right now, that was not of importance. I am sure it would help. I would be more able to blend in with the neighborhood. After dressing in the bathroom, I turned out the light.I searched the room for what personal items I might have. Then I remembered I was only sixteen. I didn’t even have a driver’s license. Why would I have a wallet or anything similar? I reached out into Calvin’s memories. He didn’t get to handle money all that often. He got a small allowance, three bucks a week. That was a generous allowance here and now. So, without further need to explore the room,. And if you don’t want me to give myself to all your friends, just say so. Please just tell me what you want. Talk to me.??What I want,? he said, icy, ?is for you to go in the bathroom, clean all that cum off your face, then get your clothes on and go. Your role in this evening is over.?And that is what I did.^His ignoring me simply made me want him all the more. I thought about him all the time, daydreamed about him in class -- once I realized, luckily before anyone noticed, my hand was resting on my crotch -- fantasized about him at night in my cramped little dorm room, made up fantasies where we lived on a tropic beach some where in a little house with a veranda and drank big tropical drinks and made love under a slowly turning ceiling fan, bars of light coming through the window slats in the long afternoon.It was the most profound invasion possible, I realized about what Jeff liked to do to me, and yet at the same time the most intimate of ways for boys to connect, to express.
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