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You'd be surprised at how things click into place when you're going through someone's stuff while you're packing so you can get the fuck away from them." What are you talking about?" she asked."Gunner wasn't the first man you've cheated on me with, was he?" I asked. She couldn't meet my eyes. "There's no need to deny it, Nat; I found your fucking birth control pills. We both know that you don't need them with me." But it was just curiosity," she parried."Bullshit, Natalie!" came my riposte. "You used that line on me when we were in college. You tried out a few guys back then because you were curious, remember? I was the one who came into our relationship a virgin. You had your chance to experiment. You said it was for both of us." It was and so is this," she said. "We've been talking about having a baby, right?"I started laughing then. "Let me guess, you were only doing it for the baby, right? How the fuck is Gunner supposed to get you pregnant while you're on the pill? Tell me Nat,. .. ah, and even though they never actually completed inside me, not inside my mouth or ... you know down there, I was wearing my diaphragm and I was full of spermicide."Nikki was really sobbing now and she buried her face in my knee. Listening to her had not been as painful as I would have imagined it would have been and I attributed that to the fact that I had watched the disk. What could be worse than that?I didn't say anything. I didn't pat her on the back. I didn't comfort her in any way and I guess my lack of affection brought out the strong, self-reliant woman I had fallen in love with so many years before because Nikki got to her feet, wiped her cheeks with the knuckles of her hands, and looking down at me defiantly she said, "All right Kirk, you know all of it now. I'll tell you once again that I'm very sorry and ashamed for what I did, and I'm even more sorry that I hurt you, but as much as I wish I could, I can't undo it. It is what it is. So where do we go from here?"I.
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