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I backed myself against the wall. I think I am hyperventilating. Is this what a panic attack feels like?I have to bail. Think of an excuse, think of an excuse, think of an excuse. Car accident… yeah, that’s it. Stupid cabbie pulled right out in front of a car! Fuck! That won’t work. I would still be here or in the hospital. Plus, if she wanted to see me in the hospital. Something with the plane… yeah. Dummy, you texted her after you landed. Gah! Heart attack! Oh, yeah, see the previous hospital problem.I can’t think of anything right now and my brain is not functioning properly.Suck it up, man! Quit being such a fucking pussy!She probably didn’t see you. Gather your shit together and let’s do this thing. I took a few deep breaths. The anxiety eased. I felt quite a bit better. I gathered myself and started to head back.I’m sure she is just as nervous as you are. Be confident. Be cool. You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.I approached the door at a normal pace this time.. She'd gone for some therapy and she thought all was fine. She and the doctor has discussed her 'condition', as he liked to call it, but they'd never gotten to the 'nitty gritty' of her feelings and she'd never revealed to him her condition of being an hermaphorite.She'd managed to get though high school with her 'reputation' still in tact. She'd also gotten through 3 years of college with no problems. It was during her Junior year of college that things began to happen that would change her life forever.The pain still hurt from her college memories, of the teasing she suffered when girls in the shower had walked in on her when she thought she'd been alone. Tears streamed down her face when she recalled the names they'd all called her that day. "Freak" was the one that hurt her the most back then. She wanted to be a 'normal' young woman, but it wasn't possible.She'd worked so hard in her younger life to not expose herself to friends. She never was able to have any sleepovers with her.
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