I’ve mentioned that I’m tall, but in heels, most men are smaller than me and I love wearing heels especially with all the sexy accessories. Stockings are my favourite items of clothing. In the house, I will often wear just a pair of stockings; preferring to leave my breasts dangle free as I walk around. However, I love my breasts too, I often fondle and caress them, teasing the nipples until they hurt. It’s a shame, but I can’t quite get them into my mouth. I suppose that’s the same for a bloke that loves his cock so much, but cannot reach to suck it. I would classify that as traumatic. Coupled with that, I have a respectable job as a secretary which I don’t want to lose. So you see my dilemma. On the one hand I want love and want to be loved. I want to be with someone, but on the other hand, I have everything to lose, including Matt, my job, my life. Still, there was no putting this off for yet another couple of dates. It would have to be tomorrow night. I got up from the quayside. Or maybe it wouldhave never begun.We found an apartment together and I was very pleased with this. Ithought it signaled a new phase of adulthood and manhood. I really waslooking forward to getting married. I thought maybe it would change me.I thought I would be able to suppress my feelings, what I thought of asmy inner femaleness, and become more masculine, and at least on thesurface it seemed to work. I was very macho, took martial arts classes,and over indulged in liquor in a manly fashion.The only problem was that I couldn't suppress my desire to be feminine.It was simply innate. I over compensated, becoming more "butch".Psyhrinks sometimes refer to this as a "reaction formation".An individual forms a false face in order to hide the dreaded andshameful femininity or homosexuality from self and others. No one everreally seems to be fooled, however.Then I discovered that Cynthia's clothing fit me. I didn't intend towear them, but there they were. I couldn't stay away from them..
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