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I'll let you get used to skating with all the equipment you have on and inside you for a while, then we'll get started with the test itself."Tonya's muscular leg pushed off, and she went gliding across the rink; the packs unbalanced her, but she quickly compensated for their weight on her nude body. She hadn't anticipated the weight of her massive breasts, either, which further unnerved her."Take all the time you need to get used to it, Tonya..."She tried a small jump; it was awkward, but she landed without falling. She felt good about it, and let herself relax. She tried another jump, higher this time, and landed successfully; her spirits were glowing inside!Nancy stood beside the Doctor, watching; she wanted to see her ex-rival succeed, but still felt a twinge of guilt for getting so much enjoyment from Tonya's torment... Tonya soon realized that she was having less problem than she had thought she would in adjusting to the excess weight. Even so, she had to consciously compensate. Hearing your friend tell you that she cuts herself rather than talk about her feelings is indescribable. I completely froze and prayed that she was joking. But she wasn’t. That evening I cut my hand in an attempt to shock her into quitting. She saw it the next day. She was hurt but my plan failed. I know that was ridiculously stupid. The shame you feel after hurting yourself to cope is difficult to deal with and I’ll be honest and say that the shame sometimes made me feel so bad that I actually harmed myself twice in the space of a few minutes. The term vicious cycle has been used to describe self-harm. I completely agree. It’s exactly the right term to use. You feel bad, you cut. You feel bad about cutting, you start to feel worse. And you cut again. And it keeps on going, and going, and going... It’s very hard to explain and incredibly difficult for people to comprehend but hurting yourself is very addictive. I have no idea why but that’s the only word that I can.
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