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Said girl happens to run into the bedroom, jump onto the bed, and gets the bottle cap lodged five to seven inches up her pretty pink puss box, and now has to come see me in the hospital because she just so happened to land on it. Hmmm ... As Ripley's says it, 'Believe it or Not!'(see efukt.com, "Stories of Sexual Fail")Then there is the not so popular Light Bulb! (This trick is not to be tried by anyone who body builds!)I happened to personally go through this endeavor. I was in my office doing some paperwork at the end of a business day when my personal assistant, Aaliyah came rushing into my office hysterical telling me of a patient who had gotten a 40 watt light bulb stuck in her vagina. She liked the feel of it, and upon orgasm, the muscles in her side wall contracted and caused suction and took the bulb almost all of the way into her. Forceps and patience took care of this problem. Elapsed time stuck: 45 minutes. And lets not forget my wonderful friend who tried the same thing. " She self-consciously puts her hand on her belly. "Thank you. I want to hear about your friend. Does she work with you?" "No. I went to high school and college with her. And she doesn't know about this bogus charge. She doesn't even know about my affair with Oliver. She's like you say, useful, when I need a boisterous, blundering, bull-in-a-china-shop clown to help me stop being so serious. Please don't get me wrong. She's really a good friend, but I've learned that her mouth speaks before her brain tells it what to say. That's why I keep secrets from her." The wisdom of bringing her here seems absent, but I nod as if I'm satisfied. "Okay, so long story short, Oliver and I had an ongoing affair. We just seem to be good for each other. My husband barely notices me. You may have gathered that from my username on Tumblr. Oliver is a great guy. His wife found out about us and made him file the harassment charge. She threatened to ruin both of our careers. In cases like these, the first.
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