I was only a third of the way in. A snap popped. That was the sign we were done for the evening.“I didn’t know the dress code.”About two weeks later, there was another evening with wine and a movie. I wasn’t particularly in the mood. After the movie, my wife went on to bed. I fed the cat etcetera and came to bed a few minutes later. Under the sheets, my wife was naked, and brilliant conversationalist that I am, said the obvious, “You’re naked.”To which my wife jokingly replied, “I didn’t know the dress code.”I pulled out our purple friend from the bedside dresser. I put the purple "me" on. She stroked “me” as we kissed. I think it turned her on. I teased and licked her nipples. This went on for a while. Sensing she was getting anxious my fingers drew southward. I teased her clit and began fingering her. I teased her some. She was quite wet with anticipation of something new.I put my wife on the edge of the bed. (Being as fat as she is, she hasn’t been on top this century). I stood. "I'm wearing a blue polka-dot dress with a white collar," she said. "And white shoes, with ankle straps." Oh. OK." I had expected her to tell me she was wearing Chanel Number 5, or perhaps some other, updated variation on the old Marilyn Monroe tease-line."But -- you're not wearing any underwear, right?" I said."What? Well, of course I'm wearing underwear!" Oh. So -- why did you bring this up?" I asked."I didn't bring it up. I asked you what you were wearing," she said. "But you never did tell me." OK. I'm wearing jeans, a short-sleeved, 100% cotton pullover shirt, and, let's see -- gray socks and Nikes." Ohhhh," Maria said. "That sounds so sexy!" Are you high?" I said."Am I high? Like on drugs? Of course not!" Well, you sound a little loopy." I called you so we could talk dirty," she said in a kittenish voice."And you're doing a helluva job," I said. "Seldom have I participated in such an arousing conversation!" I really am wearing underwear," she said."Terrific. I believe you. What.
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