It was almost noon by the time I had Pedro back on the street. It was too late to go back to my office and too early to go home. Instead, I decided to try to track down Burton Toliver for a little chat.I arrived at the Gold Nugget at twelve-thirty and the joint was practically empty. I snagged a cup of rancid coffee from the barman and asked if Toliver was around. The bartender said Toliver had left about nine that morning, but should be back any minute. I thanked him, found a table and an old newspaper, and took a chair facing the door.I just about had the paper memorized, when Toliver walked through the door an hour later. He was holding a brown leather satchel and looked smugly relaxed. He headed straight to the bar, sat the satchel on the floor beside him, and ordered a beer. I started to get up when the barman pointed to me, and Toliver turned around. He picked up his satchel and beer and walked over to my table. I stood up as he approached.“I remember you young man, kind of. And asthe minutes trickled by like sweet molasses, I realisedthat I wasn't completely devoid of emotion. Beneath myarctic detachment was a small geyser of warmth so subtle Ihadn't recognised it until that moment.It was relief.I stood up, automatically checking my stockings, andstepped away from the make-up table. Despite the dread I'dexperienced only ten minutes before, I was relieved. Themiserable, crushing weight of manhood had been eliminated;decades of anguish and self-loathing erased in a singlemorning. No more guilt, no more shame, no more slinkingaround the house like a pervert. I didn't need to pretendany more. The masquerade was over.Leaving the Alcove, I made my way back through the rustlingtunnel of the walk-in. It flashed through my mind that thecloset seemed to have doubled its length since I firststepped inside. It was an optical illusion of course, musthave been. The mirror set at the far end gave the walk-inan impression of great distance; rows and racks sweepingoff.
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