I didn't want to go behind your back. I didn't want to deceive you. I never for a moment wanted to humiliate or belittle you. It just never entered my mind. But I did, didn't I. I did humiliate and belittle you. Just telling you what I wanted was enough, wasn't it."I looked at Howard carefully. I don't know what kind of reaction I expected, but he remained calm and composed. I pushed on."I don't know how to tell you how ashamed I am of what I have done to you and how sorry I am. I know an apology is not enough. Ginny has recommended a psychiatrist that she says can help me. I do need help to understand why I behaved the way I did. I will call her next week to see if she will accept me as a patient."You must know by now that I will do anything to preserve our marriage. I love you with all my heart and I can't imagine my life without you. I am begging you to give me another chance. I will agree to anything that will keep us together. Anything!"Ginny suggested marriage counseling. I'm. It awoke something inside of me, this avoidance and fleeing of my presence. Ever since I had used my ability on purpose it seemed like I was being tempted to use it every day. As if making that decision had opened a door within my subconscious. I found that I was watching Alexis with a predatory gaze. She had gone back to wearing baggy and shapeless clothing. But I now knew what was concealed beneath them. As she hurried away from me, I found myself running my eyes over her body, picturing her in various states of undress.Strangely, all this focus on Alexis and my fantasising was not triggering my ability at all. If nothing else, this fact kept me from acting. My entire life had been spent in fear of losing control. Actively lusting after a woman with nothing happening? I was enjoying the sheer novelty of it.I had no idea if this would last. The feel of my ability had changed completely. It used to feel like a raging torrent, barely contained by the leaky sea-wall of my will. It now.
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