It's so stupid. I don't even know why I got so angry anymore.But it was good to feel something that strong that it wiped out everything else. And I can feel now, underneath the aching throb of my hand, the washed out feeling that I usually have. It's like I remember feeling something, a long time ago, but it's gone now, and all I'm left with is a memory and an old t-shirt.Carly's saying my name. She's saying it over and over and over and touching my face, her fingers flitting against my cheek like a butterfly. So I try and concentrate, because I never want to miss a word she says."Sam? Sam? Look at me, 'kay? Oh god, there's so much blood."And I want to comfort her and tell her it's okay but for some reason I can't. I can't seem to do anything. Her face is breaking my heart. But then, my heart is used to it, so it's almost comforting. She's turning her face away and I feel sad, and then Spencer's there pressing a wet cloth on my hand, and it stings like hell and makes me hiss.Somehow. What’s wrong?’ ‘In America,’ I said, switching to English, ‘There is a saying that there is an eight hundred pound gorilla in the house.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Er, yes, that sounds about right,’ he said, sticking with Japanese. ‘Also, I do not wish to wrecking ball your house.’ I was struggling, so I switched back to Japanese. ‘I am ashamed, because when I heard you were here, I could not resist.’ He nodded silently, and I continued. ‘I’m very happy for you, that you have found so much success. You are a national hero, you’re so handsome and rich. Any woman would be happy to be your wife, and girls must throw themselves at you just to be close to you.’ ‘It has been an amazing journey,’ he nodded. ‘How about you?’ ‘Me? There are no eighty-million dollar contracts in the modeling world.’ ‘Well, that’s not so accurate. At one point Heidi Klum was making as much as I am if not more, but I’m not talking about money. Money isn’t happiness, please understand. You have enough, you could be.
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