Before I could start the car, she kicked the seat to stop me."Didn't you hear me? I'm not going to make it. In less than a minute I'mgoing to shit all over my upholstery."I began to suggest we try to make it into a public bathroom, but sheshook her head. "Great, that way, instead of ruining the backseat, I canshit myself in front of a crowd or in the parking lot." Well what do you want me to do?"An answer was before both of us, but it was utterly unspeakable. Nataliequickly came up with a second best option. "The bag. I can shit into thebag from the drugstore." Fine," I said, handing the whole awkward thing to her. The bag waspretty large, but she needed my help sliding the package of diapers outof it. More noise from her stomach interrupted the weak smile that cameto her lips when she found the Maxi-Pads and makeup. When the bag wasfree, she pulled it into the backseat with her and began to fumble withher thong. But it was no use; although the tape had allowed us both toclearly see. I figured with some editing software I could make some hot movies out of these encounters.After I installed the cameras, I went a long stretch without fooling around with any detainees. That ended a couple weeks before Christmas.The second-floor guy called in and told me to watch the feed from camera eleven in the electronics department. I called it up on my desk monitor and watched. A middle-aged woman wearing fashionable clothes and carrying a big tote bag type purse walked up to a display table and just slid an Apple tablet into her bag and walked away. Now this kind of customer, well to do, well dressed and well behaved was just the kind of customer the store wanted as many of as they could get. On the other hand, if they were stealing nine hundred-dollar items we had a decision to make. That’s why Dennis wanted me to see the video and make the decision. I called him back and said:“Bring her down, but gently and politely. Maybe it was a mistake.”“I don’t think there’s any.
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