"So what did you mean about not consciously wishing about Karen. Did you do something unconsciously?" she said."Maybe. I know I thought it wasn't going to work out. It could be that thought by itself put things in motion. I don't know. I still don't know exactly how this thing works. I wasn't disappointed when she told us she found somebody and she wasn't interested in sharing me, anyway." So, that leaves Vicky. You must have done something to make her change her mind." Again, not consciously. I always felt a little weird with her. I love her to death but she's my sister. I know you don't have the kind of relationship with Jimmy that we've always had, so I don't know if you can really understand it. Did I think 'I don't want this to happen'? Many times. Did I ever sit down and wish her away? No. She seemed to want it so much and I was willing to go against my gut so she wouldn't get hurt. Thank God nobody did. I ignored my gut with Houston because I didn't want to be the overbearing. The clutches of the dark thing closing around my throat or sucking my life's breath from my body were only two of the many things I laid in bed thinking about. Each night of my youth became a battle to thwart the darkness and its hideous designs on me.Sometimes I would sneak our dog into my room with me. Everyone knows that they can see in the dark, and the dark knows this and was afraid of pets such as dogs and cats.Other times, when I wasn't able to sneak the dog into my room, I would resort to hiding under my blanket. I've heard of some kids hiding under their beds, but isn't that one of the places that the dark is the deepest? On those nights, I would completely cover myself with my blanket with the edges tightly tucked under me all the way around so that the dark couldn't slip in. Only my mouth was exposed so I could breathe fresh air. I was careful not to give the dark access to my mouth too. I used to place my pillow in front of it and used my arm for a pillow instead.Once in.
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