Did she like it? Were the characters well developed? Did I get the extra half-point for my grade? “It’s a good first effort,” she said. First effort? Shit! That could only mean it needs a second effort. “Now please don’t consider criticism to be negative when it is intended to help you make this better. I’m not going to use words like ‘I like it’ or ‘I don’t like it’. That’s irrelevant to our discussion. My personal tastes are not at issue. I’ll try to keep this as objective as I can within the realm of language and literature. Good enough?”“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I was already a bit dejected. I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one last look at the earth. What the fuck did I just say? He just smiled and came in. I looked at him for the first time as I was still in a daze when I opened the door. He was tall, maybe 6' 2, well built and very handsome, with dark hair and a full head of greying dark hair. His scent wafted in to the flat and it was delicious. He was wearing jeans and a top, with a very expensive leather jacket. He went into the bedroom and threw his jacket on the floor. His hands went for me and he kissed me passionately, drawing me close to his muscular frame. My hands went around his waist pulling him even closer. His tongue probing my mouth, flicking and rolling and making me feel amazing. It made me forget who I was and we were lost in our own private universe. He pulled away from me suddenly and put his hand in his pocket, pulling out a bundle of cash. He handed it to me and winked."Plenty more where that came from," he said with a strange smile on his face, "but only if you are a good girl."He went for me again and.
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