I once had a gerbil here. It was a cute little rat, which was it’s own fault. I ran a few small tests on it, to see what would happen. I wanted it to learn to talk to others like it did me. So I decided not to feed it until it did. But after a few days I got interested in another experiment. I wanted to find out if I could train it to do tricks. You can’t train an animal without using food to reward it. Right? You see, I know how it is, I’m not crazy. Right? It wouldn’t do anything!!I decided to try out what they have tried with me. I tied it down real good, on it’s back. I took my lamp cord and cut it down so I could use it. I bared some wire. I took a pencil and held it in the gerbil’s mouth. I plugged in the cord and applied the ends to the gerbil. Believe it or not, that gerbil bit right through that pencil. Then it wouldn’t move anymoreThey took away my lamp, my pencils and my gerbil to punish me. I don’t know why, but they did.Way back, when I was a boy,. While everybody else put on their uniforms, I just put on an athletic cup, cleats and shin guards. Coach Earley gave a pep talk and we headed out to the field.The stands were unusually crowded, largely with people who had come out just to boo me. Their anger only increased when I scored a goal in the first five minutes. The next score belonged to Intercourse with 10 minutes left to go. We won, however, when Nick scored through the goalie's legs with seconds left to spare. Elated, I headed to the locker rooms to shower, and then met Mom, Dad, Ricky and Art in the parking lot. Once again, Art kissed me.We all went home to strip off and then went out for a celebratory lunch at the local Mexican restaurant. We were the only naked customers, although the owners had followed Goldhirsch's lead and had their waiters naked.At about 9:00 pm, Mom dropped me off at Nick's house. Art was already there. I noticed that Nick was naked, as were a few of the other party guests. I grabbed a beer and.
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