’“He gave me a surprised look and said, ‘Why did you call me Merle? Zeke always calls me Ox.’“I put on my best kind smile and said, ‘Merle is a nice name. It fits you. It sounds strong, but kind, just like you are. Ox is just the name Zeke uses to make fun of you and to be mean to you.’“Tara, are you nuts?” I said. “You almost sound like you like this beast!”She replied, “I feel really sorry for him. When I was in high school my Mom made me do volunteer work at the children’s hospital that is affiliated with her hospital. Some of kids were brain-damaged from birth or childhood trauma. They functioned on a really low level, but in some way, I really got to like them. Merle reminds me of them. A lot of those kids are going to grow up to be like him. Plus, we can use any ally we can come up with at this point.”“Do you think he’d really help us?” I asked.“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot.”“But Tara, he’s going to rape you.”“Zeke is going to rape me, but somehow, I’m not sure. "What type of test was that?" I asked.Susan, replied, "It was a test of your mannerisms, and 3 of them say youare 75% girl the other is a tossup, you walked over like a girl but cameback like a boy."I was at a loss for words, sitting with a blank and vacant look. Nancyone other the other girls came over and sat down and said, "It was just asilly test it really does not mean anything, it's OK."I said, "It was not silly for me I found out that I am 75% like a girl." You are cute and would look nice if you were a girl so don't be mad,"Nancy said. I had hoped that it would lead somewhere but it did not.They left, and I was lost in thought.Walking home my mind was in a whirlwind I remembered the boy I tried tobe a girl with and the fact that I still would like to dress up. Nancydid say that I would like nice as a girl and my aunt is about the samesize as me. I knew that I was going to see if I did like a girl, thefirst chance I could I would. This time I was going to do everything.
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