Nothing else. If I use it, and I'm sure I will, it won't count. You are to ignore it, as if we had never agreed to a safe word before." Tommy was quiet still, while my heart was racing. I felt his hand slowly slide down from my breast, across my belly, over my hip and into the small of my back, where it rested for a moment. His hand started moving again, continuing it's journey down into the furrow between my buttocks, finally settling on the tightly puckered protective entrance to my rear portal. My body shuddered as I felt one finger circle the forbidden entryway. He whispered in my ear, "You're sure about all this, Ellen?" "Yes," I answered quickly. "Yes, I am. I........I know what this means, at least I think I can imagine anyway, but..........but I meant what I said. Yes. I'm sure." His hand came up to my breast quickly, leaving the forbidden virgin territory, and he held me in a tight bear hug. "I love you. Thank you." Tommy's birthday was still four weeks away. I had. The room returned to normal, thankfully. We were both bathed in sweat. Janet looked as though she wanted to run towards the door. She held onto my shoulders, in decisive for a moment. She let go of me after a long moment, stood up and walked slowly towards the door. She gathered her jacket and purse, and left the room. I laid there, in emotionally agony, not able to reconcile what I had just seen. I wanted so much to run after Janet, to somehow convince here that it was only one, vision not my whole being. Even if my body could have obey me at that point, I don’t thinking she would have listened. The look of pain, anger, and hurt on her face the last time I saw it told me enough. It was that instant I wanted to die. To end this suffering, to finally be rid of this curse that I had been given. Even as the knife I imagined slowly moved towards my heart, so innate defensive mechanism, dissolved the knife into dust on my soaked shirt. I tried a real knife a few moments later, but my.
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