He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window and asks the same question. This time, it’s a bigger tree and of a different class.‘Lord tunderin’! Dat’s yer Douglas Fir and she got 690 board feet.’ says the Newfie. Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator!One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.‘And what about that one?’Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, ‘A Yeller Cedar, 242 board feet at most.’The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little pissed off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he is.As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, ‘See that tree over. We exchanged phone numbers and I told him I’d text him soon. I walked home thinking about boat sex.By the time I got home, I was very horny and decided to text him.Me: Hey, Captain DavidCD: Hello, is this my oyster friend?Me: Yes, it is captainCD: Well, helloMe: Whatcha doing, Captain David?CD: On my boat with scotch thinking about you Me: Oh, really, Captain David?CD: Yes and you can just call me Captain. What you doing?Me: I’m drunk and thinking about my CaptainCD: I wish you were here. Why don’t you come out to my boat?Me: Now?CD: Sure, do you know where the launch is?I looked at the clock. I had about two to three hours before my man’s possible return.Me: Yes I do. Is that an order from my Captain?CD: Do you follow orders?Me: Yes sir, Captain sirCD: Then I order you to come here, ASAPMe: Yes sir. Should I bring you anything, sir?CD: If you have any scotch, bring that. But wear that same dress.Me: Yes sir. I have a bottle of Redemption, is that ok sir?CD: Not sure what that is,.
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