When the others tell me to leave shadow, they do not know they are asking me to leave my life.If I leave my life I must go to the land, and I am not ready to go to the land.But Altauk shows me the way. I do not think he means to do that, I think he merely speaks out of weariness—weariness of me, and of my coming always back to this place.“Go to that place, go where you will, Minacou,” he says to me. “Go to find Kitik if that is right for you. But Kitik is not there, it is only shadow. You must seek Kitik in the now if that is what you must do.”I tell him that I do not know how.“Then learn how,” he says impatiently. “Or leave shadow. You know that the way of shadow leads not to Kitik but to the land.”Yes, I know that; Altauk is wise, he sees what the path of shadow does to others like Acou. I know he does not wish for me to take that path.So I must do what else he says. I think I know that for long, but I do not want to tell it to me. But his speech makes an echo in me and I know I. But this was only one of many wounds.He was near totally chemically castrated; the bones in his feet had been broken, and reconstructed to work in a ridiculously exaggerated arc. Through near starvation and increasingly tighter corsets his waistline had been whittled down to something beyond wasp like. Flapping his hands in a frustrated manner he swung his legs from the bed, and slid his feet into the seven-inch gloss black monstrosities he had been limited to. The thought that these were the only things he could physically wear only further compounded his submission to the situation.He sauntered over to the mirror (it was easier to keep the act up, when he let his manner slip things got real bad). Blonde curls tumbled on to his face from a busy pile fixed up high on his head. This was new, so we're the fine black eyebrows that had been tattooed high and angled above his thickly enhanced lashes. The little sloping nose and constantly kiss shaped lips he had gotten used to. He made.
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