I started to think was I shutting the men down because of them or was it because I didn't think I was ready yet. Here I was in my mid-forties. Divorced, with four kids, living with my ex-husband's mother. No real job of my own. I was nothing to look at; long auburn hair, blue eyes, chubby, not thick or whatever the new in thing to call women of my size. I was big all over, hips, thighs, ass, and two huge udders. That what Stan used to call my boobs, udders. It wasn't my fault I grew a couple of cup sizes with every child. With Robin and Robert, especially, I thought I would never stop growing after those two were born. I remember after Jack, Stan kept trying to talk me into getting liposuction or getting my stomach stapled. Stress was my main problem as a high school teacher, a mum, and a wife. I had enough things to be stressed about and when I got stressed I ate, candy, or ice cream as well as loading myself up with carbs like potato chips, fries, and muffins. Then there were the. " After a long pause it was my turn to say: "I really wish I hadn't said that." After a heart stopping moment she started laughing. And I started to breath again. "I think I can meet you if you can be patient and help me work up to it....if you still want to. I've sort of got a plan." "Okay, I lied. The breast pump is fine, let me hook it up and I'll call you right back." "Thanks, bye."_________ Fifteen long minutes later the phone rang. "I got what I deserved for lying. The damned breast pump really is broken now. Can you tell me about your plan?" "If you can tell me what you look like I think it'll help." "I can try but it might make it easier if you can tell me what you want me to look like." "Mostly, I just hope you're kind of average. And you aren't real heavy." I almost said "Oh shit" out loud. If she thought she was even a little overweight, I'd really stepped in it. "I'll start with the worst. My chest is about normal for.
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