.. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet... Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there. I felt a hand on the back of my head. It turned my face sideways. I looked at Della's face lying on the bed beside me."With it again, Sam? Do you want some more of my hair?"I shook my head."How unfortunate. I have one last very special treat for you. I have waited years to prepare it. You wanted my hair all over your bare skin. You are going to get it whether you want it or not. Roll over on your back. You can if I help you."She rolled me over. My arms dug into my back. Only then did I notice that my balls and cock had been released. They were sore, very sore, but they were free."Now lift your legs in the air."As I did she slid a soft silky material round them and up to my hips. "Close your eyes and keep them closed." she ordered "No peeking! Remember what happened the last time you opened them without permission."I closed my eyes and held them shut. She pulled the material further up towards my hips. It grabbed around my legs as if she was forcing both legs into a single stocking..
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