I told him that I believed everything in Birmingham was operating as smoothly as it could be, and that all my people were more than capable of continuing to insure it would remain like that during my absence.I had Billy Ray book me a commercial flight from Atlanta to Los Angeles, and from there, directly to Oahu. I would be golfing for two days on Oahu before flying to Maui and spending another two days golfing there. From there I'd be going to the big island of Hawaii for three days of play. I was leaving the whole second week free, so I could either replay the same courses, or go to other ones that people, who were more familiar with the area, might recommend. I was only booking myself into resorts that had their own golf courses.I hadn't been playing much golf, not since before I got sick. I had spent quite a bit of time hitting balls at various country club driving ranges though. I was anxious to resume regular play again. I missed the inner peace that I got when surrounded by. I dunno, a grown-up I guess? A real person for once. A person who could throw a punch, and hurt somebody and be OK with that. It made me want to fuck and eat a cheeseburger in no particular order.Anyway since then Ethan has been looking a little.. I dunno man-boy to me. The shit I used to think was confidence now seems like lazyness, his bravado seems like dim-wittedness. I know he hasn't changed. It's the same him, the same shit, but I'm different now. It feels dissonant; frightening. Like I thought I knew what I wanted, and it wore a leather jacket and smelled like engine-oil and booze, and rode motorcycles with a devil-may-care attitude, and bent me over those motorcycles and fucked me with that same devil-may-care attitude. But now it all just seems a little... adolescent. Small. Ethan, me, all of it.So when he held on to my wrist with that shark-tooth grin, all fucking drunk and stanky, not letting me go until he got what he wanted.. I think I wanted to feel that again. I wanted.
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