But the drug also made me feel womanly. There is no better word for it.I felt in need of somebody to satisfy new urges in me. I felt in needof somebody to keep me and protect me. I felt that I needed a manbeside me. That is when my thoughts returned to the conference. Istarted to wonder if I could be a woman, as some men have become throughthe miracles of science. Dwight's woman.Now, I should explain that I had never had any transgender impulses atall. I was a man and had always felt that I was a man. I had neverbeen either tall or muscular, but I had never been weak or effeminate.I was normal. I had been a husband, and I was still a father of twoboys, now separated from me, and outside the church. That was what madeit so hard for me to understand how I could find myself in thissituation.After taking the androgen blocking drugs for some months there had beensome physical changes that were noticeable. My beard growth had slowedto a standstill and my skin and hair had become. Jimmy always had a girlfriend, it seemed. I didn't. I was very interested in girls, but I didn't have the knack for talking to them that Jimmy did. I was always the quiet one when my cousin and I were out somewhere together. He was as bold as a brass monkey with people, even total strangers."We're meeting Donna and Linda over at the carnival tonight, Paulie. You need to bring ten dollars, so we can take them on some of the rides, and then get something to eat and drink."Tickets to the rides were only ten cents each. Hot dogs were fifteen cents each, and hamburgers were a quarter. Bottles of cold soda were only a dime too. Why would I need to have ten dollars, I wondered? When I asked Jimmy this, he said we'd have to treat the girls to everything, and he didn't have any money at all."I'm not paying for all of you all, Jimmy. I'll pay for myself, but that's it." We're all sharing Paulie. Your share is the money to pay for us at the carnival." What's your share then Jimmy?" I'm providing.
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