When I heard them calling for Delilah, I walked out onto the stage. There were hundreds of people in the room. I was shocked. Way in the back I could see my boyfriend struggling with the two goons holding him. Everyone ignored them. I walked around and the bidding started. I was shocked. The money crept higher and higher. One huge black guy wouldn’t give up. He was bidding against a small thin cruel looking man. I didn’t know which would be a worse fuck. I had never fucked a black man, but the thin man looked really scary. I couldn’t believe this shit. Neither one would give up. Finally the bidding was over. 19,000 dollars for one night with me? I was amazed and quite relieved. The huge black man had won. I had second thoughts as I saw the bulge in his pants and the look in his eye. He grabbed my arm and led me away. He took me up the stairs to a private room. Once we were there, he ripped my clothes off, and said, “I want to see if I got my money’s worth” I stood stock still,. It was a few years though until I was happy to call myself a wanker. As a youth I guess I knew what I was, but didn’t really think about it or try to rationalise it – self-awareness comes with maturity. I knew I was painfully shy with girls – I didn’t seek contact but it was inevitable in the normal course of life at school, and at work it was unavoidable. So I never got into conversation with girls, scarcely looked them in the eye, but at school that’s not necessarily unusual and no-one particularly notices. Looking back now I realise that I didn’t like physical contact, I never thought about touching girls, even being in ‘their space’, mainly because it would have been a violation. I hadn’t coined the terms ‘goddess’ or ‘girl-worship’ back then, but I definitely regarded girls as superior, mysterious creatures that I didn’t understand but who had tremendous power over me – just sitting there ogling Miss Maggie bulging in Her tight sweater would induce the most exquisite ecstasy –.
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