We take too much for granted.In my work, seeing larger meaning, or even hope, is often very difficult. For thirty years I've worked in the government of a large eastern city. First as an idealistic young program manager, then as a cop, and then after I'd taken a bullet which stopped my "let's-just-chase-the-perp-over-that-20-foot-fence" days, as an operative for the city's Investigation Department. We look out for corruption and for people trying to rip off the city with scams. Enforcement work of any kind can disillusion you pretty nicely, thank you, and make you forget the beauty and kindness around you. You spend your time in a paranoid state of mind, looking for people who lie without thinking about it, get caught, and keep on lying until we eventually put them away. You can easily forget about the magic of those seemingly random pauses of unplanned joy in your life. When you get to that point, you're in big trouble. Burned out. Suicidal. Depressed. That's how cops die or slide. They're coming along. Theythink you are too."A few weeks after that Angela was merely informing me of ourevening plans, if any, sometimes leaving me barely enough time tochange and dress appropriately. She stopped asking my opinionabout her outfits, their color matching schemes and accessories andso on -- she made up her own mind now that she knew I'd approveanything. And as we took turns fixing dinners, she no longer askedme what I'd like or told me worriedly what she planned, she justdid whatever she felt like doing. After dinner she starteddisappearing into the living room to read or watch television,leaving me to do the cleanup regardless of who's day it had been. I resented it at first, especially when I saw that it wasintentional, not an oversight. But the less she worried about myattitudes, the more stable our relationship. I gladly filled in asthe price paid to build her confidence where I was concerned. Itwas little enough.The process was working, and that's what we.
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