Summer times if I knew my husband was going to be away I would organise a small 'pool party' and it was lovely to have a few of my favourite boys over when I would tease them by wearing a skimpy string bikini and encourage them to go naked. Our pool is well hidden and they always responded to my suggestions. Such fun.Has anything changed since I've been on this pleasurable journey toward my honourable retirement? Not really or that I have noticed but there is just one thing that bothers me. Whenever my hubby has been home and I have to curtail my extra-marital activities we have had the usual and, now very rare, coupling in bed. It is always with the lights out and always a very quick affair that does nothing for me. That's not what has been bothering me. Here's the thing, it's the evidence that I know he has discovered my secret store of toys and I am also aware that he must have been riffling through my dresser where I have discretely folded and stored my special lingerie. I was tired of caring. When we were still together, it was a different story entirely. My world did not revolve around him but the slightest hint of animosity from him would send me reeling. He knew this and often played it to his advantage. At times he had treated me with cruelty, but mostly he treated me with indifference. Perhaps I did love him, yet it was clear to me that he had never loved me. My love for him had become imbued with pain, the pain had turned into numbness until eventually I felt nothing for him at all. I kept my face impassive, feigning an interest in the ongoing babble. Idly, I compared him with my new boyfriend, just as a way to pass the time. If I had been more mentally acute, I would have found such a comparison altogether unnecessary, even offensive. But the ceaseless stream of prattle had lulled me into a daze and I allowed myself the foolishness. In short, my new man was kind, loving, and intelligent whereas my ex was spiteful, aloof, with flashes of.
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