Laura could never tell from one moment to the next whether Tamara was flirting or rejecting her. Of course, she resigned herself, it had been that way from the start. Never a dull moment.She shook her head. Why not? What was another lie? "Not really. I'm sure you know you're a very special girl. Very beautiful."Tamara loved being told she was beautiful. She turned back to Laura. "Thank you. But sometimes... it's a pain." Everybody wants you?"Tamara nodded, very serious. She seemed to have forgotten for the moment that Laura was also beautiful, that everyone must want Laura too. Laura smiled at her warmly, unthreateningly."I know how it feels," she said softly. "I'll go."She turned to leave, but Tamara caught her elbow. "Please don't."Laura turned back. Tamara was suddenly very pliant, receptive, her eyes throbbing, her smile ambiguous but not hostile. Laura lifted one forefinger and ran it tenderly over the girl's full lips, touching them sensually and skillfully, her eyes never. I met the group on Saturday, but then took off on my own. I ran by myself and kept my problems to myself. I allowed the ‘victim’ label to permeate and infiltrate my very being. Where I once had been confident and brave, I now looked over my shoulder. But it wasn’t just the fear of being victimized again. I lived in constant fear that someone would find out and I would become known as the woman who got herself raped. But that isn’t what happened: I didn’t allow this crime to happen. I was overpowered, and I am not responsible for what happened to me. I spent a year in therapy, which was really helpful, but it was in finally telling friends and family that I got my mental strength back. I wanted to do it alone, but letting other people help me actually made me stronger. Eventually I met a friend who also had things in his past he wasn’t proud of, but he showed me how to put it to good use. That friend not only has freedom from worrying what people think of him, he has also used his.
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