Charlie’s heart pounded, sweat was pouring off his temples, his breath came in short frantic bursts as his head swam and his limbs began to tingle with hyperventilation. “Tracy…? Please…?”But there was nothing but silence. And more smoke. Finally the tears started to pour from Charlie’s eyes and down his cheeks. “Trace… baby…” he blubbed, “please… I’m so sorry… please…” Charlie broke down and howled, his spirit completely broken. “I’ll do whatever you want, baby. If you want to smoke in the house, that’s okay. But I can’t stand it when you ignore me. I need you, baby. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve hurt you. Please, please stop this torture.” His sobs were hard and dry – the heart-rending sobs, rarely heard, of a man in terror and desperation. “Please have pity!” he wailed, as more smoke blew into his face, into his mouth, up his nose.But there was no pity forthcoming from the silent unseen smoker. Instead, Charlie heard a voice say, “Shut the fuck up, Charlie, you pathetic whining. . this is not what I expected.Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?Say Thanks to jimq21Lovable Inflatable Christmas LouiseAs a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true, because every Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids stockings were overflowed, his poor panty hose hung sadly empty.One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. Of course, they don’t sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you’ve never been in an X-rated store, don’t go. You’ll only confuse yourself. I was there almost three hours saying things like, “What does this do?” “You’re kidding me!” “Who.
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