He liked a clean kill and always had a very good reason for why he did it. Pathan had thought of one incident when Hasid had refused to kill someone for his father.Dusty had particularly wanted James to have this memory.Dusty said to James after she shared, “I think this is why the medallion stayed with Hasid. He did have a sense of honour and even a code of ethics, even if they were not the same as others had. I think his personalities confused the entity in his medallion.”“I don’t believe he had a dissociative identity disorder. He had a tight control on his personalities and he chose when they came out. It was as if he was an entity in his own head controlling this puppet that was his body. He let people see only what he wanted them to.”“I believe that Pathan was correct and that Hasid could only let his true self out, the loving brother that his father had tried to beat out of him, when alone with Pathan. I’m still not sorry I killed him, but you know me, I do like to know why. I was mad at Liz and Ben, and realised that having my disguise as awoman completed would enable me never to have to go through any dangerousor humiliating discovery scenes again, as well as giving me the tools andpower to split the two of them apart. I signed all the forms which Bellaput in front of me, then proceeded into surgery ready to put the finalpart of the plan into place.When I awoke I couldn't speak, and my entire body was in plaster frombelow my armpits to the tops of my thighs. My neck was bandaged too, andcompletely numb. I was in severe pain for days, especially in my crotch,and especially when a nurse came in and pushed a greased, glass stentinto the crack in between my legs. I stayed in the bed for a week, beingmoved only for bathing. Bella came in daily to visit with me and changemy CDs, and the relaxing sounds and scripts she put on them really helpedwith the pain and the boredom. Soon the stent was less painful andbecame something I looked forward to in.
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