Kinda enjoyed my first day on the job. Now I’m thinking about making it ‘full time’ employment!We all grow old in the end... I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet... Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself;. “Um ... uh ... Uncle Ramsey?” I squeaked. “Me?” I began dancing across the room crooning to the infant, who seemed to be an appreciative audience. Elizabeth reached for the baby and I turned away. “No, no. It’s okay. Uncle Ramsey has little Lily. Don’t I, sweet little baby?” Elizabeth looked at Evelyn and Jack and all three burst out laughing.“Where did the dining room go?” Elizabeth asked.“Oh, Mattie needed the space for an office,” Jack supplied. “We’ve been eating in the conference room. She’s adapted to the bachelor life here pretty well. I think she’s the only one who actually has work to do.”“Why didn’t she set up office in the conference room so you could eat in the dining room?” Elizabeth asked.“The conference room has a door,” I supplied. “Administrative assistants are not allowed doors.”“Where are the Smiths, by the way?” Jack asked.“What time is it?” I asked. Until he mentioned them, I hadn’t really missed them.“Three o’clock.”“They’re usually out here doing routine checks.
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