Erich approached Gustav and reached up to stroke his cheek, but Gustav turned his head, recoiling slightly at his touch. “What’s wrong?” After a little pause Gustav quietly replied, “We shouldn’t.” Erich’s insides churned with self-loathing, with frustration, rage and disappointment. He agreed with his friend’s words, but at the same time every fibre of his being rejected them. “Why not?” he felt his lips form the words, a whisper barely audible above the rain, the question posed before he’d even had time to consider what he was saying. Gustav had no answer and averted his eyes. A minute passed that felt like an age. The wrongness of it, they both thought to themselves. That’s why not. Gustav did not know why he wasn’t more surprised at his friend’s advance. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Erich but could feel his eyes upon him like a hard slap across the face. The intensity of the moment they had shared the other night still a fresh wound in his memory, the guilt a vicious. "Hey, Kells," she said, giving me akiss. "How did it go?"I was pulsing with excitement. "Matt, Saff, come in. Your mum'shome." Fi later told me I had a stupid grin on my face. When they allcame in, I said, "Well, we haven't signed all of the paperwork yet, butthey're going to publish my book!" Before they could all congratulateme, I said, "And they're giving me a big advance." It was ?50,000,although I didn't want to say that in front of Matt and Saff. "Tocelebrate, we are all going to dinner at Greens I made the reservationso get ready. Come on, quickly," I said.Saff came over and gave me a big hug and kiss. Matt hugged me andkissed me on the forehead.Fi just watched me smiling. We had stopped pretending in front ofthem. We still hadn't had sex of any kind. I wondered if tonight wouldbe the night. "That is fantastic, Kells! I've never been prouder ofyou," she said."Thank you," I said, "I couldn't have done it without you."She smiled. "What did I do?" What didn't you.
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