Why me?”She paused. It was obvious she was debating whether or not to tell me something. She started to speak several times, but said nothing. Finally she grimaced and said flatly, “Yes, there are many other men who would be better suited to the task. But the woman who is to be burned is your” – she began counting on her fingers– “great, great, great, great”– she threw up her hands in frustration – “... great... something grandmother.”“Wait a minute!” I exclaimed as I held up my hands. “This isn’t one of those time loops, is it?.. where I end up being my own grandpa... or great, great, great, great... something grandfather?”I could feel my Weird Shit Meter start moving toward eight and I really didn’t like it. But then she shook her head.“No,” she answered with her silvery laugh. “You are not expected to make love to her.”“Then who?” I asked rather heatedly.“The Queen, of course,” she replied. Her chirpy voice sounded as if I should have already known that and was being silly for. Nowadays you couldn’t even smile at your neighbor anymore or he or she would be suspicious and offended.As the train had left Manchester Victoria he glanced at the woman again and imagined describing her to his wife Margaret, starting out with the way she was dressed. Take the leopard print blouse, he would say to Margaret, could it be more tacky? When had those got back in fashion? And what about her nails? So long and bright red, what was that good for? Margaret would shake her head and agree with him. Thirty years of marriage and they were still on the same page about almost everything.The young woman had a long coat draped over her knees, but he could see her shoes and ankles. She was wearing high heels so he had said to Margaret: ‘Could you imagine that? Wearing those in the Dales?’And Margaret would say: ‘Go hiking in them and stumble into the pub afterwards. Everybody staring.’He had smiled at the thought, but just then the woman had looked at him and raised her eyebrows..
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