Then you start to getmad at yourself and how you look. So, you start taking everything off,feeling really mad, depressed, guilty, and thinking just how unfair theworld can be.Jennifer looked at me saying, oh-my! That's so sad! So, what you'resaying is, when your dressed you're never really happy about how youlook?I went on to say, not really, I think I'm like any other cross-dresser. Ilove getting all dolled up any chance I can. You could say that whendressed we all try to really look as feminine as possible. No matter whatshape or size our bodies are. Once we are dressed and look in the mirror,our minds will see ourselves as beautiful ladies. As for myself I kindhave learned a few tricks and ways to feel much better about my smallsize and figure over the years. I think now it's easier for me when I'mhome alone and dressed, but it's very complicated to explain to someonewho's not a crossdresser.Jennifer said, "Oh, please go on, explain, I would love to listen andunderstand. This is. But that's all I can think of. Ken-san and Enishi's speed and reflex time are both as fast as humanly possible. The only way to move faster than that is to speed up nervous response.Saitou: Yes, but nerves are not so easy to train. If they're so developed as to stand out like that--Aoshi: It must be an inborn abnormality, a kind of natural talent.Enishi: Natural talent? No. This is an acquired strength. A strength my sister gave to me--the strength of my revenge. I've hated you ever since that snowy day... Even after my hair turned white, even after I fled to Shanghai, I still hated you. Spring, summer, autumn, winter... Rain or shine, day or night. It was as if my brain fed on my hatred for you. I was able to constantly maintain a state of consciousness, as if I'd forgotten what sleep was! An ordinary person's mind and body would be calmed by sleep, but when I slept it only quieted my body; my mind remained conscious... My ever-conscious mind reached through my spinal cord to every.
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