There words were far too soft for my little ears, and the baby sitter scooped me up and ran from the room, lest I hear and understand.Later...Was it years, later? Decades, maybe.There is no time when you're dead. Only now, forever...Another flash of memory.My mother, weeping at the kitchen sink, was holding a sheaf of medical papers in her hand. She stared at the papers as if they were a palpable enemy that she could rend, tear, or kill. Her tears were hard and angry – but soft, and almost helpless. Hindsight cleared up so much, and I now know the anguish she felt as the sterile, white forms pronounced her death sentence.For millennia I lingered in the valley of death. There were no shadows in that valley, only blackness, silence, and emptiness. My mind went away again. I drifted on the smokescreen of memory, and visited myself on places and people I'd not thought about for ... well, for the rest of my life.The first sounds I heard that were not from my manufactured memories, were. I realized she knew what was going on. Maria tells me, “When I was younger I had a crush on you. I thought you were cute.” “What I’m not cute anymore?” I said. “You’re even cuter. Especially, with all the Grey hair.” She says. If it wasn’t so dark, she would have noticed that I was blushing. Maria than says, “You enjoy me sitting on your lap, don’t you? You know I get off work at 2am and I don’t live far from here. Why don’t you come over and I can find out what you been up to.” I did not answer her but it was obvious I wanted to be with her. She than says, “You’re still married? It’s O.K. I won’t say anything if you don’t. Besides, from your reaction, I think I need to take care of that problem you have.” She than wiggles her ass in my lap, to let me know that she knows I have a hard on. I was done. I knew I was going to her place and so did she. “I’m going to go and make some money now. I’ll come get you when I’m done.” .
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