I know of no way of escaping it when it's upon me, luckily it doesn't strike me often. I can't discuss it with anyone outside my old profession, as most people would be both shocked and appalled with my admission. This epistle, if it's discovered after my demise, will be my last will and testament and my admission, no; acceptance, of guilt.Today I am an, if not a pillar, at least an accepted member of the community. The man I once was, was another form of animal much likened to the vulture or jackal, or in reality a human form of trash disposal unit.This man whom occasionally minds your children, is a member of the P & C, a local council member, school treasurer trusted with the banking of your money, spent the years of his youth removing lives as if they were vermin, lice.The guilt did not catch up on me until a few years ago when an escaped murderer took refuge in the local area and I unluckily just happened to be in the vicinity at the time. The police knew me from committees I. It was an outdoor party in my sister-in-law’s big landscaped backyard.I caught my wife inside as she was getting a platter of sliced tomatoes.“Hey hon, ______ is ‘jonesing’ for you.”“What?” she said partly shocked and partly embarrassed, “Baby, that’s in the past don’t bring that shit up now.”“So you noticed?” I asked.“Yes, of course but that was then, nothing has happened since. It’s alright.”With that, she went back outside.It was very late when the last of my nephew’s friends left. My wife had showered and was in the guest bedroom preparing for bed. I was in the bathroom across the hall taking my shower while my nephew and his parents had gone to bed. Or so I thought.I finished my shower and went about my nightly routine of drying off, brushing my teeth and pulling on a pair of boxer-briefs. I opened the door of the bathroom and stepped into the hall. I could hear the sound of hushed, emotional voices and of weight shifting and moving on the bed in our room. I stepped to the door.
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