It seems as if it was only yesterday that I was sitting in the living room talking to him. Now I would never get the chance to tell him everything that needed to be said. I clutch my pillow tight to my body squeezing as if it were him. Tears roll down my face. Lying myself back down against the pillows I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I wake up praying that last night had just been a terrible nightmare but knowing damn well it had not been. My baby cousin was truly gone. The young man I considered my brother from the very start was dead and I would never get to see him again. For the next few days, it felt as if I was walking around in a complete trance. Just going through the motions. Yes I was physically there but mentally I had completely checked out. There were times when I wished I could just curl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and just stay there. The day of the wake was also the day of a horrible snowstorm. We all piled into the van and made the dangerous. I mean it felt great."She smiled and lifted one leg up to exam the toe nails polish. This did expose her more to my sight, but not enough to see much at all."And ... You want more?" More?" I forced my eyes to hers. "More sex? More of 2 men? Like 3? More risks? More adventures in the bedrooms?" I asked hoping she wasn't reading my mind."Yeah, all of that." She put her foot back down, folding the leg under the other one and holding its ankle, watching me."That I haven't decided. I mean I guess till I do decide I'll continue to take things as they come. Having those brownies somehow let me out of a box." I frowned trying to explain. "Now if something different comes up I think I'm more apt to try it. Without having to be drugged or drunk to do it. Just because it IS ok to explore a bit. Right?" Right. Like I tried to show you in the shower." She paused.Flashes of the shower I took with her sped through my mind, like she knew they would."It's ok to explore and feel and enjoy. That.
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