And if you want me to sleep on the couch tonight, that's fine too. You need to know these things even if we are just going to stay friends. Please."Peter leaned over and just took her hand. She looked into his eyes."I like you too, Peter, as far as that goes. My work at the club is a kind of therapy for me. I almost feel like I'm training my body to do what I want, instead of always being at the mercy of what it wants. When I allow someone to control me, they might feel like they are doing something to me, but the whole time I'm training my body to do what I want it to. It has taken a long time, but I have learned to control my body now, not the other way around." That make sense, in a crazy way. I've never thought about it like that." I just want you to know, whatever happens, that I have more things to work through. I can't have a normal job, just be someone's girlfriend, not with all I still feel. That man who raped me broke something inside me, Peter. My instant reaction to. I gave mymother some lame excuse when she noticed and told her I was justexpressing myself and it didn't mean anything. I never wore earringsaround the house so nobody said anything. Well except the one time thatHannah teased me in front of her friends about my pierced ears and offeredto let me borrow a pair of hers: 'You know - the sparkly, dangly ones withthe little dancing ballerina in a pretty tutu. They would prob look sooopretty on you lol."The days, weeks, and months that flew by after this took on a familiarpattern. Almost every day I would meet with Alyssa and either just chat orcam with her. She trained me to pick out all of my own pretty outfits fromHannah's clothes. I became an expert at putting on my makeup and doing myhair in tons of cute styles. At her urging I had let it grow out and Itold my parents that I liked it long and that lots of kids did the samething. They didn't seem to mind. I also continued to do all of Alyssa'shomework for her and my only reward was.
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